


Season of Change

by secondalto



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Canon, F/M, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-03-02
Updated: 2010-03-02
Packaged: 2017-10-07 15:56:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/66695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondalto/pseuds/secondalto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate telling of Season 3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Oct 6th, 98  
   
Welcome home Buffy.  
   
That was all he said. No shouting, no questions, no blame, no lecture about destiny. Just welcome home. After all I had put him through; Giles just smiled and hugged me. This is what I remember best about coming back.   
   
Yeah mom was happy, but she immediately slipped into denial mode, going on about the gallery and this new mask she got. Creepy thing. I found the guys out doing patrol. Nighthawk? C'mon who do they think they're kidding? I know they tried their hardest but I know they were glad I was back to the slaying. They were the ones who insisted I see Giles. I was gonna put it off, but they pushed.  
   
 When he pulled me into that hug, I breathed in his familiar scent. Tweed, tea and something I'd always labeled as Giles. My heart fluttered as his strong arms held me close. Why? He was still just Giles wasn't he? I wasn't so sure anymore. I'd dreamed of Angel all summer, less and less in the last few weeks. Instead I'd been dreaming of Giles. Why? As we sat drinking tea and talking about stuff, I kept looking at him until he caught me. We stared for a while before I turned to Willow. That look in his eye, so weird, but it almost could have been love.  
   
I'm writing this after our meeting with Snyder, ugly troll man. Who cares if I ever go back to school? I'll only be missing Will and Xand, I can see them anytime. I'd also be missing Giles which is kinda weird. Who knew I'd ever miss him? What do I care about Homecoming and senior Prom? Who am I kidding? Of course I care, but I'm trying not to think about it.  
****************************  
From The Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                            October 6th, 1998  
   
When I opened the door, she was the last thing I expected to see. I ignored the others, my eyes fixed only on her. An eternity happened in that brief moment before I spoke. She was home, she was safe. I'd spent the entire summer looking for her. I knew it was important to find her because the Hellmouth needs the Slayer to keep the forces of dark under control. But it was more than that; I followed the slimmest of leads  
   
I can't explain why I tried so hard to find Buffy. It may have something to do with the Watcher/Slayer bond. However, it can't explain the high expectations I had with every lead, the ache I felt when it went nowhere. I updated Joyce on my progress. She blamed me for Buffy running away, said we had a 'relationship'. We do, we did, but what kind? I dare not go down that path. I still mourn Jenny, but part of me wants to dare, wants to hope.  
   
When my brain finally kicked in again, all I could say was "Welcome home Buffy." Everything that had happened was forgotten. We would have to reform the bond we had as Watcher and Slayer; learn to trust each other again before we could begin to talk about the events of the last year. As I gathered her close, I breathed in her scent. Vanilla, sunshine and pure Buffy. Something inside me stirred, but I ignored it to make tea. That seems to be my excuse to avoid over emotional situations, brew tea. When I brought the tray into the living room, the group was already regaling her with tales of their nightly exploits.  
   
I caught her staring at me. We held each other's gaze before she turned to give attention to Willow. Today she had the meeting with Principal Snyder. I heard from Xander it didn't go well. That loathsome troll! I'll have to look into ways of getting Buffy back into school, perhaps involve the Council somehow. She deserves to enjoy her senior year.  
*******************************  
Buffy's Diary  
   
As part of her let's make everything better campaign, mom invited the guys, and Giles, over for dinner. Why do I get all nervous when I think about Giles and me and formal setting? It's just Giles. Tweed wearing, info having Giles. So I go to the basement to get the 'company' plates and find a picture of me and Will and Xand. Look at us, so happy, so innocent. Can we ever get back to that?  
   
I'm putting the picture back and something falls from the top of the shelf. Dead cat. Eeeewwwww. Mom and I buried it and I thought that was it. Should have known better living on the Hellmouth. This morning it zoomed into the kitchen, zombified. When did my house become the Hellmouth petting zoo? Giles came to get the thing and made some comment about mom's creepy mask (cat was in her room.) Just glad to have the thing gone.  
********************************  
The Personal Journal of Rupert Giles   
   
When I went to Buffy's house, I was quite surprised to find the cat. Rather interesting phenomena, I must say. As I placed the creature in the cage I noticed the mask on Joyce's wall. Something about it stirred in the back of my head. I took the cat back to the library where the rest of the children teased me endlessly about it while they planned a party for Buffy. Young Oz can be quite loquacious when he wishes to be. I absented myself from this gathering to do further research on the cat. The Hellmouth seems to have no end of surprises for us.  
***********************  
Buffy's Diary  
   
They threw me a party. I don't know how it came to that, but in the grand tradition of Buffy parties, it went badly. Everyone started showing up at once, including Oz with the Dingoes. I tried to talk to Willow about all this with no success, the music was too loud. I pushed through the crowd, wondering where Giles was, why he didn't show. Overhearing mom with Pat really threw me for a loop. I never knew she felt that way, so I ran upstairs and started flinging clothes on the bed. Will found me like that and started with the major guilt trippage. Went downstairs and Xander joins in. I thought they were my friends. But all of this was interrupted by zombies. Yep, zombies.  
   
So I'm doing my Slayer thing again and they badness is forgotten because they need me again. Hypocrites much? Everyone's screaming and fleeing and I'm kicking zombie butt. The fight makes its way upstairs and Pat gets killed. No time to feel bad for her because she's a zombie. She grabs creepy mask and puts it on, talking about blah blah evil and her eyes glow and crash we're going through the window. (Mom's taking that out of my allowance for sure.) More fighting and I grabbed a shovel, heaving it into her eyes. Poof, Pat's gone and the zombies stop. When it's all over I saw Giles standing to the side. He came over and gave me another hug. Two in one day, must be some kind of record or something.  
************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles  
   
When I found the picture I thanked the Fates for having my own collection of demonology books. It all made perfect sense now; it was all connected to the mask. Stupid Americans. Just because something is pretty doesn't mean it's non-threatening. It isn't surprising some of the most successful vampire masters are also handsome or beautiful in their human form.   
   
Of course I was stupid enough to stop for that man I believed I had run over. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. I was just glad for the lessons Ethan had given me in hotwiring cars. One of the few good things about our…involvement. When I reached the house the children were fighting. Oz informed me of Buffy's whereabouts. I held off the undead allowing him time to find her and impart the information I learned.  
   
Once the zombies ceased to be a concern, I went to find Buffy. She stood in the middle of the lawn, shovel in hand. She seemed pleased to see me. I walked over and enveloped her in a hug. It was still hard for me to accept that she was back, was safe. I vowed to do anything I could to get her back in school.  
****************  
Buffy's Diary  
I got a call today; I get to go back tomorrow. I guess Mom's talk with the school superintendent worked. While I was out shopping for new clothes and shoes. I heard tons of stories about what happened, none of them close to the truth in traditional Sunnydale style. Yay me. I called Will and we promised to hook up soon. Called Giles and he seemed happy, told me he was looking forward to our first training session. There was something in his voice that caused butterflies in my tummy. And it wasn't wigsome, which is weird. This year should be interesting.  
*****************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles  
   
 I met with the wanker Snyder this afternoon and threatened him. For a short time I let Ripper out. It felt empowering to do this small thing for Buffy. Snyder backed down; I hope he won't be a problem anymore. Buffy will be returning to school tomorrow. When I called her, I kept the information about my involvement from her. She needn't feel indebted to me. Having her close by every day will be reward enough.


	2. Chapter 2

From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Oct 13, 98  
   
I dreamed of Angel again. It was just as scary as all the other dreams I've had of him. This one involved dancing at The Bronze, the ring he gave me and flashing back to killing him. In the dream, Angel told me to go to hell. Been there, done that. I'm sure it's all deeply symbolic or something. I'll have to tell Giles about it, make sure it isn't a prophetic Slayer dream. Actually all my dreams lately have been weird, including the ones with Giles in them. Probably something to do with being back in Sunnydale. I'm sure Giles would have some long boring word for it. Must get ready, it's my first day back and mom and I have to meet with Snyder first, ick.   
*********************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             October 13, 1998  
   
As I prepare for the work day, I realize that Buffy will be back today. The faculty is abuzz with rumors of how she managed to accomplish this. There is also much speculation on Buffy's involvement in the incident last year, despite her being cleared by the police. There are several things I wish to discuss with her, including Acathla. If she believes that I need to know exactly what happened to do a binding spell, to keep the world safe, perhaps she will talk. She has said nothing about what happened, and her silence worries me. If Willow's spell worked and she sent Angel to hell I know she will suffer in silence, refuse to talk about it, especially in light of what he did to me. However if he was still Angelus, how does she feel about what happened? Of course it is all moot if she refuses to talk or uses her ever ready flippant wit to deflect the questions. I may have to approach this several different ways before she answers and there is the distinct possibility that she will never answer at all. All I can do is try.  
********************  
Buffy's Diary  
   
What a day. The meeting with Snyder was long, boring and utterly pointless. I have to take some tests, get a letter from someone other than Giles and meet with the school shrink. Fun. Watching mom get all childish with Snyder was great though.  
   
Met with Giles, he mentioned some binding spell on vortex guy. He just needed to know exactly what happened. I wasn't sure how to say it. Dreaming about it was bad enough, but actually talking about it? So maybe no to telling him about the dream. I made some stuff up. I don't think he bought it. Gotta go, Bronze with the guys, then patrol.  
**********************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles  
   
When I told Buffy about the binding spell, she seemed upset. I could see the pain in her eyes and I wished I could take it away, replace it with the bubbly spark that used to be there. She told me a false tale about killing Angelus, not mentioning whether or not the soul spell worked. The she was off to start her makeup tests.   
   
Willow stayed behind and we discussed her attempt to restore Angel's soul. I am not angry at her, but perhaps there will be a time soon for tutoring so she may get a handle on her newly developing skills. Untrained magic is a dangerous thing. I know this all too well and do not wish to see her go down this path.  
**************************  
Buffy's Diary  
   
Just back from the Bronze, skipped patrol. All because of something I hadn't really thought about. A new Slayer, Faith, called when Kendra died. I was too busy saving the world to think about the consequences of Kendra's death. I wonder who took care of her, Giles? Scott was there too, but I gave him the brush off, not ready to dive into another relationship. Still getting over the last one.  
   
Faith seems really into the Slaying thing. The guys were asking her all kinds of questions. Why aren't they ever interested in my stories? Oh yeah, probably because they star in most of them. She seemed cool with oz's sitch, which is bonus for her. When I asked about her Watcher, she said he was at a retreat. Not sure I buy it, but I'll introduce her to Giles tomorrow, see what he thinks.  
****************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             October 14, 1998  
   
Buffy brought along the new Slayer today, Faith. I shouldn't have been surprised really. But it brought up all the memories of dealing with the aftermath of last year. I was the one who had to call Sam, he was devastated. I do believe he will mourn her passing more than her parents will. I arranged for Kendra to be transported back home. It all made me wonder how I would react to Buffy's death, her permanent death that is.  
   
I'd quite forgotten that the retreat was in session right now. My invitation must have been lost in the mail, or perhaps they thought it best I stay to help Buffy with the Hellmouth. There's always next year. Meanwhile, Faith seems rather…peppy and her comment on my age and looks received a glare from Buffy. I had rather expected one of her patented 'eeewwws', it was rather interesting to the look on her face. It was almost as if she were possessive. But I do not dare to think about it, dare not hope. I am just her Watcher, nothing more.  
****************************  
Buffy's Diary                                                                                                    Oct 14, '98  
That skanky ho! Trying to horn in on MY Watcher. Okay, sorry, don't know why I got all uberbitch there. All I saw was red when Faith made the comment about Giles being young and handsome. Why? He's just Giles, just my Watcher. At least that's what I keep telling myself. But there's a niggling little voice in the back of my head. I keep shutting it up. When the gang left, Giles wanted to talk more about Acathala. I was flip about it, again. I still don't think he bought it.   
   
Walking out to the hall, Faith was talking to Scott. I encouraged the couplyness between them. Maybe it will get Scott off my back. And with the way Faith dresses, she'll have him hooked in no time. Will and Xand were big with the showing her all the places where big things happened. Didn't scare her off, which is cool. Now I gotta go get ready for dinner with her and mom.  
******************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles  
   
After meeting with Faith, I've had some thoughts on the continuity and integrity of the Slayer line. It's been a source of controversy in the Council since Kendra's calling. I had to do some fast talking to keep them from flying here and testing both the girls, especially Buffy. The Council has some interesting things to say about her and our methods of dealing with the Hellmouth. I get the feeling I'm not very popular in certain circles, either.  
   
Back to the subject of the Slayer line. It seems that with Buffy's 'death', we have encountered a 'hiccup' of sorts. Although she was only technically dead for a few minutes it seems to have been enough to trigger Kendra's calling. And yet, Buffy still retains all of her Slayer abilities. And of course with Kendra's death, Faith was called. There is a lot of discussion of who the Power passes through now. Will another be called when Buffy dies again or has her link to the Power been severed? It bothers me to think of her dying once, I don't know how I would react should it happen again. I should leave these ideas and theories to others better suited to it.  
************************************  
Buffy's Diary  
   
Well that went well. Mom and Faith totally bonded. Mom was all rah rah about the second Slayer thing. Of course she totally wigged when she found out I'd died. Now she's talking about splitting patrols and me spending more time at home, preparing for college next year. Geez, I'd like to get through this year first.  
   
On patrol things went all to hell. First she gets in my face about Angel. Not a good thing to do. Then we were attacked and it's instant Slayer mode. We're both kicking ass and one of the vamps says some name, tacquitos? Anyway, they live for him; they die for him, yada, yada, dust. Faith looked a little shocked by the name, but wouldn't tell me anything. Guess we all got our secrets, huh? But it looks like we've bonded with the Slayage and maybe there won't be any more talk about Angel.  
***************************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                              October 15th, 1998  
   
Kakistos, the very name conjures up fear in many a Watcher's heart. When Buffy dragged Faith into the library today, I never expected his name to enter the conversation. When I mentioned contacting Faith's Watcher at the retreat, she reacted with such force and negativity. It took Buffy and myself quite a while to calm her back down. I managed to coax the truth form her. She has been on the run from Kakistos after he killed her Watcher in front of her. She'd heard of Buffy and came to Sunnydale seeking help and protection.  
   
It took a great deal of courage on her part to admit her fear and ask for our help. It seems her bravado was just a front and I do hope she knows she can trust us from now on. I set Buffy straight on Kakistos' nature, his age and his looks. It will take more than a simple stake to kill him. It will also take their combined strength to eliminate him. Should they succeed, they will truly be heroes in the eyes of the Council.  
********************************  
Buffy's Diary                                                                                                    Oct 15, 98  
   
Well Kakistos (I had Giles spell it out for me) is no more. While Faith and I were on patrol, we got into a fight with some more of his cronies. They led us to a warehouse, obviously a trap, but we were ready. Faith really stepped up, whaling on the big ugly like there was no tomorrow. Giles was right, as usual, didn't take a tiny stake to kill him. Faith was a genius, using one of the fallen roof beams to run him through. The look on his face! And let me tell you, for a big ol' vamp, he didn't leave a lot of dust.  
   
Faith broke down in my arms then, but I think she'll be okay. I took her back to Giles and arranged for her to stay here with me for now. Giles is gonna call the Council in the morning, see where they want her to go. I hope they let her stay for a while. Last I saw, she was inviting Scott to the Bronze, good for her. But something she said helped me make a decision. I went back to the mansion. I was saying goodbye to Angel, leaving his ring behind. It's time to move on, time to let go. Which is also why I told Giles and Will about what happened. It felt good to do it, felt like a weight being lifted. I will always have a place in my heart for Angel. Now though, I can heal and maybe in time, find room to love someone else.  
************************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             October 16, 1998  
   
The Council sends its deepest thanks to both Faith and Buffy for the death of Kakistos. They have assigned me to be Faith's Watcher until a replacement can be sent. I was very surprised at how well Buffy took it. She and Faith seemed to have bonded and Joyce is putting Faith up until more permanent arrangements can be made.   
   
Something about this entire incident also led Buffy to reveal the truth. Angelus had reverted back to Angel when she killed him. The spell worked. Willow seemed pleased, but she will still need guidance. I feel for Buffy, I know how painful it is to lose the one you love. But strangely, I can feel nothing but satisfaction that Angel was killed at her hands. It seems absurdly fitting somehow.


	3. Chapter 3

From Buffy’s Diary                                                                                           Oct 20, 98

 So Faith’s moved in with us. I was a little wigged at first, but it’s all good now. Or as Faith would put it ‘five by five’. What the hell does that mean anyway? So we patrol together, talk about Slayer stuff and occasionally our lives. I’m trying to get her to go shopping with me, but she keeps resisting. I keep reminding her Homecoming is next week, but she’s not falling for it. Scott asked her out, which is of the good, she’s pretty psyched about it. She keeps trying to ask me about Angel, but I think she’s finally getting the message that Angel is off limits.  
   
After patrol tonight we swung by the Bronze. I got to meet Scott’s friends, Debbie and Pete. Cute couple, but I felt a little like a fifth wheel. Scott kept trying to get Faith to get back into school. Giles has been doing that too. All the better to keep an eye on his Slayers I guess. She’s almost ready to give in. I’ve got her holding out for a week in the pool, twenty bucks. Don’t let me down Faith.  
*******************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             October 20, 1998  
   
After much grumbling on Buffy’s part, Faith has moved into the Summers’ home. A stable home environment will do her a world of good. She will need time to mourn the loss of her Watcher, but I do sincerely hope she will accept my help in all things Slayer related.  
   
She has started dating a young man, Scott I believe his name is. He seems to be another good influence on her, something to tie her to Sunnydale. Perhaps he will be an ally in the fight to persuade Faith to restart her education. She’s as stubborn as Buffy. I have two weeks in the pool.  
*********************  
Buffy’s Diary                                                                                                         Oct 21 98  
   
So this morning Giles found out Xander was not all there for Oz watch. I hear it wasn’t a pretty sight. A student turned up missing, mutilated. Could have been Oz, cause the library window was open. Will was seriously freaking. Didn’t have time to calm her down though, class. And then my visit to the school shrink, Mr. Platt. Nice enough guy. Told him the cliff notes version of me and Angel. He says I haven’t stopped loving him. I think part of that is true, he was my first love. You never forget your first love, at least that’s what the movies and romance novels would have you believe. I don’t think I want to forget Angel. I just want to learn from it. Love shouldn’t be like that. Love isn’t obsessive or painful. Love doesn’t come with a happiness clause. I just want to find that, is that too much to ask?  
*************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             October 21, 1998  
   
Of all the irresponsible, foolish…there are no words to express my anger at Xander. How simple is it to keep an eye on a werewolf? One whom you claim is your friend? One who is dating your best friend? And now there is the distinct possibility that Oz may have killed a student.  
   
He has no memory of his actions while in lupine form. He seems to be handling it well, but one can never tell. He keeps his emotions well hidden. Willow is devastated. I have asked Faith to keep watch over Oz tonight. The student who was killed was a friend of young Scott, so she is willing to prove that Oz is innocent. Buffy will patrol as the death could have been the result of something else. We must explore that option and hope for the best.  
***********************  
Buffy’s Diary  
   
Oh my god! Angel….Angel…he’s...no. Can’t be…can’t write…. God…no…not now. Giles. Must go to Giles. Now.  
*************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles  
   
Buffy has come to me with disturbing news. She believes she saw Angel while out on patrol. Or at least that’s what I could surmise from her incoherent babbling. She was in shock. I gave her some tea, calmed her down. She’s resting on my sofa now. If she did indeed see Angel, then I must start conducting research and warn the other children.  
   
Tomorrow I will keep an eye on Oz myself and send Faith out with Buffy. If he has indeed returned, I cannot say it isn’t as Angelus. Any time spent in a hell dimension, which is where he likely was, will change a person. Who can know how it would affect a vampire. Willow, Xander and Cordelia have gone to the morgue to find more evidence. Although I do hope Oz is cleared, would Angel have done this much damage rather than just drain the person? I cannot begin to speculate.  
*****************************  
Buffy’s Diary  
   
So after a little nap, I feel better. I almost want to say Giles slipped me something in the tea, but I don’t think so. Will’s trip to the morgue turned up a big ol’ goose egg. So it could have been Oz, could have been Angel. Faith and I are going on patrol tomorrow; see if maybe we can catch Angel. It can’t be him, I sent him to hell. Didn’t I?  
*******************************  
Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                               October 22, 1998  
   
Buffy and Faith’s patrol turned up nothing and Oz was kept in the cage. But he may still be the prime suspect in the murder. This is something I truly hope is not true. I have delved into research, but there is nothing in the texts to indicate why Angel may have returned. Or which hell dimension he may have been in. Either Angel has survived relatively sane, which I’m sure Buffy would prefer, or he will bear no resemblance to the…person he once was. This is the option I fear is the more likely. If Angel has indeed returned and is a feral monster, there is not choice. Buffy will have to face the truth and Angel will have to be put to death, staked. This is not a job I would give to her, I would do it myself. Killing Angel once led her to run away, killing him a second time could send her over the edge and I could not live with myself should that happen.  
**************************  
Buffy’s Diary                                                                                                    Oct 23 98  
   
Okay, so the killer can’t be Angel or Oz. How do I know this? Mr. Platt’s death in the middle of the day kinda rules them both out. Before I went to see him, I stopped by Faith’s table in the cafeteria. Pete and Debbie were there. I get this really weird vibe from Pete, but I’m not sure what to do about it. Maybe be I’m just paranoid cause of the whole Angel thing. Anyway we talked Homecoming for a bit and then I was off to Platt’s office. When I get there, I talk and talk before I notice his cigarette. So he’s dead, and it can’t have been Angel or Oz cause someone saw Platt alive before lunch. Willow’s over the moon that Oz has been cleared; he just did his Oz thing and under reacted.  
   
I’m kinda glad it’s not Angel, but we still have to catch him. Having a wild vampire loose, not exactly good. Giles told me that he’ll eventually be okay or he won’t. If we can’t help him, that means death and well I don’t know if I can do that again. I don’t even know if I can write about it anymore. I’m gonna start patrol early I think.  
*******************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             October 23, 1998  
   
Although the death of Mr. Platt had absolved Oz and Angel from blame, this still leaves us with a mystery. And quite possibly a feral vampire on our hands. I want to wrap this up before next week; a monster on the loose during this Homecoming would heighten the potential for massive casualties. I am glad that Oz was not involved, Willow even more so. That girl needs to drink less caffeine. While Buffy was also happy Angel was not involved, she was not pleased to be reminded he still needed to be caught.  
   
I’m sending Faith with her on patrol again. Should Angel be unable to respond to any sort of stimuli, Faith is under orders to stake him. She understands and will bear the brunt of Buffy’s anger should this situation present itself. I am unsure of what I would do should Angel be able to be saved. Could I do this for Buffy? Could I ignore everything that monster did to me just to avoid causing her more pain? I believe the expression is I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.  
**********************  
Buffy’s Diary                                                                                                    Oct 24, 1998  
   
So it turns out the killer is Pete. See, I should listen to my spidey senses or at least that what Giles says. On patrol we found Angel, but he led us on a chase to the school where we ran into Debbie sporting a shiny black eye courtesy of Pete. He came up with some thing that made him all Jekyll and Hyde. He went after Platt because he suggested that Debbie try to get away from Pete. The student was killed cause he flirted with Debbie. Pete tried to go after me for standing up to him.  
   
That’s when Angel showed up again, knocking Pete out. Then he looked at me and said my name. That wigged me. Faith and I took him to the mansion, chained him up. I’m gonna ask Giles to help me. I know it’s a big thing, but Angel was sent back for a reason. Only Giles can help me figure out why. It’s gonna be hard but I’ve got to do this, I just know it’s important. I don’t know why, but it is. And I’ve got to do this all while trying to find a dress for Homecoming.  
********************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             October 24, 1998  
   
The killer has been caught, a case of Jekyll and Hyde combined with jealousy. Buffy handled it rather well and the girl, Debbie, is getting help. The only bad aspect to this obvious happy ending is Angel. He was found and apparently recognized Buffy. She believes he may have returned for a reason. I do not disagree. She has him chained up at the mansion and has asked for my help.  
   
I am unsure if I am prepared to enter the site of my torture and face my torturer. It features prominently in many of my nightmares. But for her I will do this. Buffy has been made to understand that if I cannot help Angel, he will have to die. There are weapons always at the ready. To see her struggle with this breaks my heart. But her maturity astounds me. The next few weeks will be hard, but I don’t know which of us will feel the effects more, me or Buffy.  


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note on this, in my world the Willow/Xander clothes fluke never happened!

From Buffy's Diary                                                                                   Nov 3 98

Homecoming this week, Cordy is making a very big deal out of it, running for Queen, flyers and posters, the whole deal. Been there, done that, wore the crown. Will and Faith keep dragging me out dress shopping. I'm not sure I want to go, another fifth wheel sitch. Giles will be there as a chaperone, I wonder what he'll look like in a tux. I don't think I've seen him in anything other than tweed.  
   
We visit the mansion every day. I can tell how hard it is for Giles, the pain in his eyes every time he goes there is big. I wish I could take back what happened but I can't. What Angelus did was terrible and I don't think there is anything I could do or say to change that. We never talk about it though I know Giles is still researching, still trying his British best to find out why Angel is back. Wish I could find a way to tell him how much that means to me.  
   
*********************  
From the Personal Diary of Rupert Giles                                               November 3, 1998  
   
The traditions of American teenagers are indeed very strange. Their 'football' team plays games out of town for two weeks before playing at home and they throw a party. It seems they will use any excuse to dress up and hold a dance. Of course as a faculty member I must chaperone this event. When I mentioned this to Buffy she had what almost seemed to be a look of interest. I dismissed it rather quickly. Instead I shall remember to remove my tuxedo from the closet in time to have it cleaned and pressed.  
   
I continue to help Buffy with Angel. She is correct in believing that he may have been sent back by a higher power. There is no evidence of anyone returning from a hell dimension on their own power. But I cannot find information on whom or what power would have sent him back. I may have to make discreet enquiries to certain contacts at the council. Each day is an exercise in overcoming my anger to help Buffy. I feel it necessary to endure this to help rebuild our trust. There is a small part of me that just wants to stake Angel and be done with it. However if he was returned for a reason, what harm would I be causing by killing him? And would doing so make me not better than he was?  
********************  
Buffy's Diary                                                                                                 Nov 5 98  
   
Decided to go to the dance after all. Went dress shopping with mom. Faith of course had bought hers ages ago. Not much to choose from this late in the game, but I held out hope. Avoiding ruffles and bows (what's up with that?) I finally found the perfect one. Red, spaghetti straps and easy to move in just incase I had to do any slaying.  
   
More trips to the mansion with Giles. We take turns bringing blood. I know it's killing him doing this for me. And that's the only reason he's doing it. Because I asked him to. Angel responds to my voice, but Giles is there, ready to hit in case something goes wrong. Spending this time with him is good. When we leave we talk about Slayer stuff, sometimes life stuff. I even told him that I'm over Angel, no more of the silly romantic thoughts. He's told me stuff about his life, things he did as a kid. There was a story about playing fighter pilot and several broken lamps. It made me laugh. It's kinda weird how being with Giles makes me forget about everything, even Angel.  
************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 5, 1998  
   
Buffy was quite excited by the prospect of going to this dance, rambling on about dress shopping to Willow. To see her excited about something normal brings joy to my heart. She has suffered so much and just desires to fit in. I hold out some hope that the Hellmouth will not interfere, though that scenario is highly unlikely.  
   
The continuing visits to the mansion are an interesting adventure. I am always at the ready should something go wrong. Our talks on the way back are interesting. The bond we had seems to be reforming and our trust is returning. She confided in me that she has no more love for Angel, other than that of a naïve young girl. I find myself telling her of my childhood and she laughs at my stories, particularly the one involving my mothers' precious Tiffany lamps and their demise when I was playing at being a fighter pilot. It is good to see her laugh. For a moment we both forget why we are walking and where we are walking from.  
***************************  
Buffy's Diary                                                                                                    Nov 7 98  
   
So the dance was a bust. Instead Faith and I got caught in something called SlayerFest98. Catchy huh? We'd gotten a limo to go, only turns out it had been hijacked by nasties. There was a video to greet us from some vamp calling himself Mr. Trick. I think I've seen him before. Faith totally destroyed the laptop.  
   
We were chased by vamps (dust), this weird demon thing with spikes on its head (slayed it) and these twisted twins who tracked us using fake corsages (they're toast). Dress was totally ruined, thank you very much Hellmouth. Giles was there, when the twins chased us to the school, I'd left him a message after finding a phone in an abandoned cabin. He looked really good in his tux, but I shook off that weird tingling in my tummy as excitement. Whoever this Mr. Trick is, he's working for someone. There's no way he is powerful enough to have organized this. Whatever the Hellmouth had in store for us, we'll be ready. Oh, Cordy won, good for her.  
******************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 7, 1998  
   
I may have joked with Willow and Xander about trouble, unfortunately it turns out I was not wrong. Buffy and Faith were waylaid on the trip to the dance. Faith's young man, Scott, was quite worried. He even suggested going and looking for them, which we quickly dissuaded him of. When I retreated to the library, the message I received from Buffy cause my heart to race. I don't remember ever worrying about her fighting before this.  
   
I was busy collecting weapons when they burst in, running on about being chased by human twins apparently. A brief rundown of this…SlayerFest thing made me wonder if there was a new evil in town. The twins were dispatched quickly, just in time for them to see Cordelia's crowning as Homecoming Queen. Despite having been chased hither and yon, Buffy looked rather fetching in her dress. I persuaded someone to take a picture of her, something to remember this night by. 


	5. Chapter 5

From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Nov 10, 1998  
   
Just got in from patrol. Actually, just got in from studying. Giles suggested the combo study/Slayage session. I guess he's still trying to get me to trust him, which I do, but how exactly does studying do that? I guess taking the stupid SATs does make me look more like a normal girl, at least Giles thinks so. Like the things really means anything. How can I go to college being the Slayer and all? Yeah Faith's here and….hey! Why wasn't she studying too? Me and my Watcher are gonna be having a talk in the morning.  
   
Anyway, we were waiting for this one vamp to rise, so we were studying by his grave. And he did rise. In the middle of a question. I hate getting interrupted. I fought him, improvised without a stake. Handy to know, pencils can be used to dust vamps. Then it was back to studying. I hope Giles thinks it's worth it.  
********************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 10, 1998  
   
Buffy and I spent most of our night prepping her for the SAT's. I convinced her that by taking the test she still keeps up some appearance of being an ordinary girl. I tried to persuade Faith to join us, but she insisted on doing a sweep of the other cemeteries and that tests are 'not her thing'.  
   
The vampire we were waiting for did rise. As an interesting side note, pencils work well as a stake. I shall add them to the growing list of sharpened wooden objects that work to kill vampires. I enjoyed the time with Buffy, and I hope that we continue to build our trust.  
***********************  
From Buffy's Diary                                                                               Nov 11 '98  
   
Oh, yay. Yet another hoop of Snyder's to jump through. Like I don't already have enough to do, now I have to sell candy. To pay for new band uniforms. What, like a bake sale isn't going to be enough. Lucky me, I've got mom. She bought some and a box from Faith. Moms are the best. Xander and Willow tried to sell her some of theirs, but she wasn't buying. I suggested to Xand that he try Giles. Little did Xander know I'd already sold him some during training.  
   
That was a hoot. Giles did this blindfold thing to help with the trust issues and to hone my skills, or that's what he said anyway. I still think he did it to take funny pictures. We talked about vamp activity being down a lot this week. He insists it might mean something. I'm just using the time to go clothes shopping with Will. Slayage is murder on my wardrobe.  
*************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 11, 1998  
   
Snyder continues to insist that Buffy perform absurd duties in order to stay in school. The latest is to sell chocolate bars of some kind to buy the marching band new uniforms. Although it does puzzle me as to why there is a need for a large chicken feather atop the hat. In any case, Xander attempted to sell me some of the candy, unaware I had already purchased some from Buffy. I do not need to have a vast amount of chocolate around. It would be too much temptation. I need to keep in shape, I have a Slayer to train after all. When he promised to never call me G-man again if I bought a box, I bought three.  
   
The training session did not go as planned. I had hoped to use the exercise to further strengthen and rebuild the trust between us. She just thought I wanted to take pictures. We also discussed the lack of vampire activity recently. I immediately started looking for a cause, but Buffy blew it off. Something like this might suggest something is scaring the vampires off. She tells me the Hellmouth is giving her a break and goes shopping. She has no sense of responsibility. Though the outfit she had on today was, what was the word she used? As yes, cute.  
*******************************  
From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Nov 12 '98  
   
Okay, so something really weird is going on. First, this morning I found mom eating some of that candy. For breakfast. This from the woman who wants to put a veggie with every meal. Then she goes and gives me the keys to the car. Um, no license, remember? Luckily Will and I were walking, but it made me wonder what the hell was going on.  
   
Then during free period, I went to ask Giles about it and he was acting strangely too. He was just letting books sit on the tables instead of putting them away, there were candy wrappers everywhere and he was reading, while eating chocolate! If that had been me, I would have gotten an hour long lecture about treating books with care and respect. He brushed me off, told me to go back to class.  
   
After school, when I went to get him for our daily trip to the mansion, he wasn't in the library. I went by his place. He was there, listening to his records. Seriously, that's what he considers music? Please. Anyway, it was real wiggy. I'm off to Will's to see if she can help figure out what's going on. Wish me luck.  
************************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                 who cares about the date?  
   
Have run across this journal. Blimey, I'm a boring old git. But here I am writing in it. Habit I guess. Can't believe they actually made me a bloody Watcher. And they gave me a Slayer. How 'bout that? Whatever's happened, I got old. Or my younger self is now possessing the older me. Damn, that was boring. Guess you can't ditch the schooling, no matter how hard you try.  
   
Looking through this thing seems I get hit on the noggin a damn lot. And God am I ever repressed. This is my bloody personal journal. No one in the Council is ever going to see this, or at least not til I die. Should think about willing this to someone, so they don't ever get their hands on it. I'm hiding the fact I'm in love with Buffy. There, wrote it, can't take it back. She might have feelings for me too; I see the way she looks at me.   
   
I should go find her, tell her, and give the whole situation a flip. Better than sitting here writing in a sodding journal. Feel the need to get out, wreak some havoc, or at least find something to kill. If I find Buffy, I'm bound to find vampires or a demon or something. Well, I'm off then, now where are my smokes?  
***************************************  
From Buffy's Diary  
   
OMG! I kissed Giles! Okay, so technically it was 'Ripper' and he kissed me, but it was WOW. And did I mention how hot he looked in a t-shirt and tight jeans? Okay, I know, I know, this is Giles I'm talking about here, which I'm sure I'll be totally wiggy about in a few minutes, but HOTTIE! Wait, I'm forgetting the sitch.  
   
So yeah, turns out the candy was responsible for all the big wigginess in the adults. We tracked down the company packaging the stuff. That's when I found Giles or Ripper or whoever, I found him. I'd left the gang to find out who did what to the candy while I went to the source. Giles was wandering the streets and I grabbed him. His eyes lit up when he saw me. I wanted to take him somewhere, keep him safe, but he insisted that he was my Watcher, he should come with me. It was kinda weird seeing him all giddy and bouncy. And way into the touching, he was constantly touching my shoulder or arm or grabbing my hand.  So we went to the factory and guess who we found? Ethan Rayne. He fesses up that the cursage was so this demon snake (which I slayed later) could get his tribute. Which turned out to be human babies. Giles was helpful with supplying the demon's name so I could call Will to find out about the babies. And he helped beat up Ethan. I think he liked that a little too much.  
   
Afterwards I dragged him to the library, I wasn't sure I could trust him while he was all Rippery, so I decided to lock him in the book cage. He was more with the touching and saying my name a lot. Before I could lock him in the book cage he said something about being a fool, he grabbed me and kissed me! Oh, it was great, waaay better than anything ever before. He tasted like cigarettes (yuck) and maybe whatever he'd been drinking, but there was something else there too. Something to do with the Watcher thing? I don't know.  Anyway, I pushed him off quickly and locked him up.  
   
So the curse wore off eventually. Mom's in full denial, as usual, threw out the remaining candy, said it'll make her fat, yeah right. I imagine Giles is gonna be all stuffy and apologetic tomorrow. Okay, so here come the wiggins. I can't believe he kissed me! What does it mean? Is it related to the dreams I've been having? It's all just too weird. Facing Giles is gonna be awkward, but I think we seriously need to talk.  
*************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                                           
   
Damn Ethan Rayne! When I get my hands on him again…..I thank the gods that Buffy was able to stop the sacrifice and save those babies. To stoop to human sacrifice just for money….he probably thought it was serving chaos as well. I will have to research ways to bind his magics, might save everyone a lot of grief next time. Though I will admit it was quite satisfying to feel the crunch of his bones under my foot.   
   
I see my younger self made an entry. I cannot believe how naïve and stupid I was then. And that he got me smoking again, which my lungs are protesting as I write. My younger self has given voice to what I have denied for too long, my true feelings for Buffy. And he acted on them, something I remember as well. Buffy found me wandering the streets, and of course Ripper wanted to follow her, he knew that she would be where the action was. He would know that doing something would change our relationship. I thought that he might only taunt her, tell her my secret. What he did was worse, or better, I cannot decide which.  
   
He kissed her, I kissed her. It was everything I've ever dreamed about and more. I might sound poetic, but it was, she was warm, sweet, tasting of strawberry lip-gloss and something else, something deeper. Perhaps that magical essence that makes Buffy the Slayer. She ended it quickly, before locking me in the book cage. She sent Xander and Cordelia to let me out.  
   
And now we must deal with the repercussions, the fall out. Tomorrow Buffy will show up and it will be awkward. I shall probably rely on my British reserve, blame the candy and what not. Yet a part of me is glad that it happened. I thought I saw something in her eyes as she locked the cage. Is it too much to hope that maybe Buffy feels the same way? All I know is we both need to sit down and have a serious talk.


	6. Chapter 6

From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Nov 17, 98  
   
Patrol was uber interesting tonight. I had hoped for the talk with Giles, but Faith decided to tag along. We've got a bit of a rhythm down, synchronized Slaying almost. Giles was watching, taking notes. When I asked him how our slaying looked, another voiced answered.  
   
She was tallish, blonde, hair in a bun, glasses and I didn't know skirts came in tweed. Her attitude just screamed Watcher. Which is who she said she was, Gwendolyn Post, Faith's new Watcher. What kind of name is Gwendolyn? There is something about her that sets my senses tingling. But there wasn't time for questions, we had to head home. There's a meeting tomorrow at the library. Should be fun. Not.  
************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 18, 1998  
   
Faith's new Watcher arrived tonight. I was out on patrol with both her and Buffy, observing their combined fighting skills. I had hoped to have this time alone with Buffy so we could have our talk about the incident last week, but Faith had other ideas.  
   
I did not recognize her, but her demeanor seemed to indicate she was a fellow Watcher. She introduced herself as Gwendolyn Post and confirmed she was sent to watch Faith. Buffy seemed put off by her presence, Faith also. Alas the girls had to return home for the night so I couldn't question them. We made arrangements to meet in the library tomorrow. Ms. Post seems eager to begin her work, too eager almost. That makes me wonder more about Buffy's reaction to her.  
****************************  
From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Nov 19 98  
   
God what an uberbitch. Gwennie (I refuse to call her Ms. Post) is more uptight than Giles was when I first met him. Even if she didn't give off bad vibes, I'd have a serious dislike for her now. She attacked Giles. One day here and she's all over him. Says that his book collection is small and he's too American.  
   
Are we talking about the same person? Has she seen Giles? He's the most un-American person I know. Okay, so I don't exactly know too many English people, but c'mon this is GILES. Then she gets all bossy and tells us about some demon, Legos. (I think. Aren't those toys?) He's here for some glove thing. Who does this woman think she is? I'm seriously hating on the Council right now. Faith's not happy either.  
   
Oh, nearly forgot. I took the SATs last week. I think I did okay. It's not like I'm actually thinking of college or anything. Now I gotta go see Angel, do the helping thing.  
******************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 19, 1998  
   
Ms. Post is a very disagreeable woman. She had the nerve to criticize my book collection which is arguably one of the best in the country. Granted I am only one of four Watchers in America, but that is beside the point. If the Council could see fit to budget more money for my books I doubt the conversation would have happened. She then accused me of being too American. Buffy was quite shocked at that statement as was I. Yes, I have picked up a few habits here and there, but generally I would say I have not lost my sense of Britishness. Doesn't she realize how hard it is to get British foodstuffs here?  
   
She then proceeded to take over the meeting by informing us that the demon Lagos was on his way if not already in Sunnydale. I wonder how she obtained this information. None of our sources have said word one about this and with the reputation that Lagos has I am sure we would have been informed. Apparently Lagos is seeking the Glove of Mynegon. Of course it's here in Sunnydale, as are all mysterious and powerful objects that give the owner world domination.   
   
Ms. Post then left, asking Faith to follow, which she did reluctantly. Buffy once again expressed her dislike for the woman. I suggested training as an outlet when she reminded me that we needed to visit Angel again. He seems to be making significant progress, recognizing both me and Buffy and regaining most of his memories. I still have not found a reason for his return, but it may yet be revealed.  
***********************  
From Buffy's Diary  
   
When we mentioned the demon guy to Angel, he got all broody, said he might know where it was, the glove thingy that is. Giles had been searching forever for it with no luck. We went with him to find it and then decided to hide it at the mansion. It was hidden in one of the more well known crypts at Restfield cemetery.   
   
So now it's hidden and we have to figure out a way to destroy it. Angel mentioned living flame, whatever that is. I'm guessing by the look on Giles' face that it's something magical. So he's off to do his research thing and we'll meet up tomorrow for destruction of glove and world savage without killing anyone. That leaves us plenty of time for that talk we've been avoiding.  
********************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                   
   
Angel led us straight to the Glove. His willingness to help is fostering some trust between us, but I know well never be comfortable in each other's presence ever again. He looked at me and Buffy strangely, as if he knew something we didn't. But he seemed reluctant to talk after we brought the Glove back to the mansion. He still feels something for Buffy; I can see it in the way he looks at her.   
   
I mentioned researching ways to destroy the Glove and Angle brought up living flame. I have heard of it but must consult my books to be certain on how to perform it. Buffy just rolled her eyes at the thought of research and left us standing there. I stuttered an excuse to leave, but Angel grabbed my arm before I could go. All he said was "Keep her safe," before he let me go and disappeared into the next room. What was it he saw, could he tell how I feel about her? A very strange encounter indeed.  
************************  
From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Nov 20 98  
   
So it turns out I was right about Gwennie, she was a bad guy. I was getting ready to head out to the mansion when Will called. She and Xander had found Giles at the library, knocked out. He was on his way to the hospital, possible concussion. Why is it always his head? He did manage to say something about the glove and living flame, so they are on their way with the potion, mixture, whatever. I called Faith, asked her to meet me there for back up.  
   
When we got there Gwennie was on the floor, Angel standing over her, vamped out. Faith was convinced he'd hurt her Watcher and even if the bitch did give off bad vibes, Faith's instinct was to protect. I get that. Gwennie encouraged her saying Angel wanted to use the glove. Faith and Angel got into it with me trying to pull them apart. That's when Gwennie went for the glove.  
   
I finally manage to separate Faith and Angel, but it was too late, Gwennie had the glove on. She attacked Faith first, and then went for Angel and me. I'm not sure when Will and Xand showed up, but she went for them too. Angel took a hit pushing Will out of the way of the next hit. I moved out of the way of the lightning, rolling onto the floor. There was glass everywhere. I picked up one of the larger, sharper pieces. When Gwennie faced me, aiming the glove, I threw the glass, slicing the glove wearing arm off. She was hit by the lightning and dissolved.  
   
After making sure everyone was okay, we did the living flame thing, no more glove. Then I went to visit Giles in the hospital, brought him both his diaries and some other personal stuff. We both tried to talk but failed. I was just glad he was okay. There was a lot of that talking with no words thing we do when we look at each other. It felt different this time, more meaningful. I kept looking away first, it was so intense. But it didn't stop us from looking, the bond we share growing stronger each time. It's kinda weird, but I think we're okay with the whole candy thing now. I hope.  
**********************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 20, 1998  
   
How I hate hospitals. Why must it always be my head that gets hit? I landed in this predicament thanks to Ms. Post. I had called her to the library in hopes of starting anew, becoming better colleagues. I asked for her help in researching living flame. She guessed that we had found the Glove. I should have been more wary of her excitement.  
   
Instead I confirmed her suspicions and even told her of its location at the mansion. Next think I knew I was on the floor, she was standing over me, statue in hand. Then everything went black. Xander and Willow found me. I managed to mention the mansion and living flame before I was taken away.  
   
Buffy came to visit, bringing some personal items as well as my Watcher Diary and this journal, so I could record what happened. Ms. Post wanted the Glove for herself. Buffy managed to stop her and she is no more. Willow and Xander showed up and living flame was used to destroy the Glove.  
   
There were attempts to start our talk. Mostly it was Buffy making sure I was okay and my reassuring her that I would survive. We sat in silence for a long time. There were many looks exchanged. We have done this many times before; it's a Watcher/Slayer thing I have read about. This time it had a deeper meaning. Each look was more powerful than the last, Buffy looking away first, almost embarrassed at the intensity. I could feel the magic behind the looks, it's a part of our bond, but it was tinged with something else, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I believe we came to an understanding about the incident last week. It will not be brought up again.  
***********************  
From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Nov 22 98  
   
Just a quick little bit about ol' Gwennie. Giles called the council to let them know about her being evil and all. They never sent her. Turns out she had all her Watcher rights taken away after messing with dark magic too much. They sent a memo and an e-mail. Note to self, drag Giles into the 21st century no mater how much he protests. Faith's real Watcher is being sent soon. She's not too happy but Giles promised he'll double check this time.  
*************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 22, 1998  
   
Ms. Post was never sent by the Council. They swear there were both a memo and an e-mail. Faith asked why I could not continue to be her Watcher. There has never been an instance of a Watcher having two Slayers, but then there have never been two Slayers before. I could never be Faith's Watcher; my bond with Buffy is too deep. Once she gets her own, real Watcher, she will understand, until then we continue to train, patrol, always alert for the next impending evil.


	7. Chapter 7

From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Nov 24, 98  
   
Got the SAT scores back today. 1430. Willow was all proud and stuff. I think the look on Giles' face can reasonably be described as shocked. Him and mom both. He was just as proud of Willow and Cordelia's scores, but not 'stunned'.  
   
Mom was all talk of college and going away. I don't know. I mean for the last three years all I've ever thought about is Slaying. That's been my life. And now…well now even Giles is saying I could go away what with Faith here and all.  
   
We really didn't talk about it a lot; he was busy packing for this retreat thing. I'm not sure why, but I get the feeling it's somehow connected to him and me and the….thing we've got going on. Or he could just want to get away for a while. He wants me to take Angel on patrol.   
   
Angel has been doing really well. He remembers everything, including me sending him to Hell. It makes things really awkward. What little conversations we've had involved me telling him that I was over him. He's even more awkward around Giles. But he's been restless the last few days, so maybe patrol will be good for him.  
********************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 24, 1998  
   
Buffy received her SAT scores today. 1430 is quite a good score. It makes all the studying while on patrol worthwhile. I think I may have shown surprise at how well she did, but I believe I hid it well. Willow had come in earlier with her scores, perfect. She will have her choice of any school in the country and possibly several from other countries. Cordelia also did very well, in the 1300s I believe. Xander refused to show anyone his scores. I don't remember if he actually took the test.  
   
As I packed for my retreat, I encouraged Buffy to think of college. With Faith here and the imminent arrival of a new Watcher, she could go, even out of state. Buffy seemed surprised that I would suggest something like that, but I do want her to be happy and lead a normal life. College would be a part of that.   
   
I asked her to take Angel on patrol while I was gone. I am going to Breaker's Woods. I think I told Buffy something about druidic ruins. That is only part of it. I need some time away, from Buffy, to evaluate my feeling for her. Try to separate the Watcher from the man. If only it were as simple as writing it down here.  
***********************  
From Buffy's Diary  
   
Spike. Why did it have to be Spike? Mom calls the library looking for me, wanting to talk about college, again. Then I hear Spike's voice. So naturally I bolt for home. Angel's already there. So big tussle and Spike says he has Willow. He won't say where until she's done a spell for him.  
   
We follow him to the magic store and he's moaning and whining about Dru. Seems she wised up and dumped him. But he still wanted her and so, spell. We're gathering up ingredients and he's blathering on about Dru. Then he turns to me and Angel accuses us of making, and I quote, 'googly eyes' at each other. As if.  
   
Just when we were ready to leave, vampires showed up. For Spike. How unsurprising. I don't want to bore myself with the details, that's Giles' job, but we won. Spike decided that the fight was fun. He told us where to find Willow. Then he said he was off to find Dru, he was going to torture her until she loved him again. Ick.  
   
Well, Giles will be back in a couple of days. This should be an interesting entry for his Watcher's Diary. But now off for more Mom time, looking at brochures and stuff. You know, I can't believe I'm actually thinking about the whole college thing. Me, in college. Weird.  
****************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             November 26, 1998  
   
Apparently while I was away Spike showed up. Something to do with Drusilla. The details are in my official diary for the Council. All that matters is Buffy came to no harm and that Willow is also safe. Buffy tells me Angel fought well and that it is unlikely we will have to continue our visits to the mansion any more. But she did imply that it did not mean the end of our daily talks.  
   
My trip was only partially successful. I got a lot out of seeing the druidic ruins, Fascinating things really. However my emotional dilemma remains unresolved. There is no separating my duties as a Watcher from my feeling for Buffy. They are intimately connected. After being away from her for a few days, I do not believe I would change that fact.   
   
I love her. There is really no avoiding that fact. I love Buffy. It is not the first time a Watcher has been involved with his Slayer. But by today's standards, such a thing would be frowned upon. She is only seventeen and need not be burdened by a man more than twice her age. It is ironic to write that, considering she had been involved with a vampire who is nearly a century and a half old. But outwardly, Angel looks closer to her age. Although Buffy says she is over him, and I do not doubt it, I am wary of saying anything. She deserves someone younger, more vital and I am not that man. So I shall continue to love her from afar, do my best to keep her alive for the person who can love her in public. 


	8. Chapter 8

From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Dec 16, 1998  
   
So mom, Faith and I were Christmas tree shopping earlier. I think Faith's still a little stunned that mom and I (well mom really) would open our home to her. I think she's even more surprised to be included in the holiday traditions. It seems a little weird seeing the Christmas trees when it's sunny and warm out. I'm betting Giles is missing England right about now.  
   
Anyway, there was a little weirdage at the lot. There were a bunch of dead trees at one end. I showed Faith and we talked to the lot's owner. He said the trees just didn't grow there. We agreed it could be something Hellmouthy, but decided to talk to Giles in the morning. Then we went back to mom and picking out a tree.  
   
Oh, when I went to visit Angel, he was acting all weird and stuff. Seemed, I dunno, extra broody. Might mention that to Giles too.  
   
***************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             December 16, 1998  
   
Bloody southern California weather. How the residents here get into the holiday spirit while it's eighty five degrees out is beyond me. I miss the cold, the biting wind, the grey skies heavy with snow. I miss bundling up in front of a roaring fire with a mug of cocoa in my hands. But I persevere.  
   
I shall be spending my down time doing some research into the phenomenon Buffy and Faith told me about. Perhaps I shall send them out again later to collect some soil samples, have Willow test them. Angel is apparently acting strange also, when does he not?   
   
I must find time to go shopping for Buffy. The others were easy to find gifts for; Willow is receiving some spell books with a promise to go through some of the spells with her, Xander is getting a crossbow as he seems to want to learn how to properly use one, Cordelia will love the antique vanity set I found in the second hand shop, and Oz will appreciate some of my records that I hardly listen to anymore. But Buffy, I despair as to finding the perfect gift for her. Something that will convey my feelings for her without actually revealing them. Perhaps I shall try and convince Willow to help me navigate that internet thing. I hear you can find most anything there.  
   
*********************************  
From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Dec 17 '98  
   
Things continue to be weird with Angel. Not normal weird either. He's all skittish and avoidy, almost like he was when he came back. Today I could have sworn he was talking to himself. He says he's fine, but I don't believe him. I said we should see Giles, but Angel said that wouldn't be a good idea. I think he still might have nightmares about what he did as Angelus.  
   
Anyway, I'm off to the mall to do some Christmas shopping. Got mom, Will and Xand covered. What does a Slayer get her Watcher? What does she get when she wants maybe to tell him that she kinda sorta might see him as more than that? Maybe I'll get inspired.  
*****************************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             December 17, 1998  
   
Angel showed up at my door this evening. It most certainly was not what I was expecting. Yet I still invited him in, this thing masquerading as a man, this demon who killed Jenny. I was cautious of course, crossbow at the ready should he revert to form. He asked for my help. It was laughable; I almost felt pity for him.  
   
Then a strange thing occurred. He became irritated, scared, and nervous. It was if he was ready to jump at the slightest thing. Angel's focus shifted from me to the space next to me. He asked if I could see her. He finally did bolt, muttering that he couldn't. Couldn't what? This merits a call to Buffy.  
**************************  
From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Dec 19 '98  
   
Okay, uberweird, Hellmouthy night. But it turned out okay, which is always of the good.  
Angel showed up. Just to tell me I needed to stay away from him. It was mega spooky. Then he just ran off acting…okay I keeping using weird, but it was. Went to find Giles, told Faith to keep an eye on mom.   
   
Got to Giles' place, did some research. Saw a picture of this ugly guy, thing, whatever I ran into the other night. Did I forget to mention him? He's called a Bringer, a servant of the 'First Evil'. Am I supposed to be scared by that?  
   
According to the books they love where things don't grow. Bingo! The Christmas tree lot! We grabbed some weapons and headed out there. There was some kind of cave under the non growy trees. We go in and there's Angel, crazier than ever. Who could blame him? There's this ghostie type thing that taking the shape of people he's killed, I guess. Cause Miss Calendar's one of them. Giles was wigged by that. I tried to go after the ghost thingies, but it just went poof and Angel ran off. It was nearly dawn.  
   
Took me a few minutes to snap Giles out of his wig and we went after Angel. He was standing on this ridge, saying he wanted to die, he deserved it. I'm trying to talk him out of it, saying I need him to help me with the Slaying. Which I guess I kinda do. He wouldn't budge. Giles wasn't helpful, but I'm thinking he was still kinda wigged.  
   
Then it happened. It started snowing. I know, snow in Sunnydale? Majorly weird. So, no dead Angel. Giles and I got him back to his place. I guess someone up there wants Angel to stay too. Giles will probably be deep in research tomorrow, or should I say later today. Whatever. We walked through town together, me and Giles. It was kinda romantic. I almost wanted to hold Giles' hand. Why can't I tell him how I feel? Why?  
**********************  
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                                 December 19, 1998  
   
After several hours and two glasses of my good whiskey, I feel I am ready to record tonight's events. I shall start here so I can be more analytical when I get to my Watcher's Diary.  
   
Buffy came to me this evening stating that Angel had shown up in her room. I was unaware that he had been re-invited into her home. Nevertheless, he acted just as strangely as when he appeared at my doorstep. Buffy wanted to research, so we did. I chided her for not telling me about the Bringer earlier. But the mention of plants' inability to grow where they reside made Buffy realize where they were. We gathered weapons and headed for the Christmas tree lot. There was a cave, underground, and there was Angel, being assaulted by images of his victims. Including Jenny.  
   
I do not know how long I stood there, unable to process the image of my dead love. When I finally returned to myself it was because Buffy was calling my name and pulling me from the cave. The First had retreated and Angel had gone out to face the rising sun. As Buffy pleaded a case for needing him to help fight the forces of the Hellmouth, I found myself torn. Logically Angel would be an asset in the daily struggle Buffy faces and yet a part of me was counting down the moments until dawn.  
   
I also came to a revelation standing there, having just been confronted by my old love, Jenny and watching my new love, Buffy, argue with Angel. I should not feel ashamed to love Buffy. While I mourned Jenny, deeply, she would not want me to mourn forever. I could almost hear her voice in my ear, encouraging me to let myself love again.   
   
When I focused again on Buffy and Angel, his fate was taken out of our hands. It started to snow. It seems that a higher power wanted Angel to survive. I will of course be doing extensive research later. Buffy and I returned Angel to the mansion. We walked back together through the snow. She looked incredibly lovely. I very much wanted to take her hand in mine as we walked. But I held back. It is still too soon. 


	9. Chapter 9

From Buffy's Diary Jan 12, 99

God, what a night. Faith and I were on patrol, commiserating over her break up with Scott. We hear a rustling in the bushes and it was mom! Mom! She chose this night of all nights to do some mother-daughter bonding. Then the vamp appears. Faith and I go after it and when I return, mom's not there. She wandered over to a nearby playground.

She was staring at the bodies of two kids. Oh, god. Just when I thought I'd seen it all the Hellmouth throws this at me. Faith came running and I sent her to call the cops. I was too busy trying to calm mom down. I looked the bodies over quickly, nothing that seemed supernatural. But the symbol on their hands was worth noting. Will talk with Giles in the morning.

Giles, now there's something to write about. He's acting like what happened last week didn't really happen. It's all normal repressed Giles all the time. There's still that…something between us, but it's different. I know he loved Miss Calendar, but did seeing her ruin what we might have? I'm confused.   
*****************   
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles January 12, 1999

It seems that even Sunnydale is not immune to the everyday horrors other towns face. I heard the news about the two children this morning. Buffy came to me and told me it was her mother who found the children. Poor Joyce. For her to be exposed to the horrors that Buffy faces every night. I know that she had been having trouble adjusting to what her daughter is and does, to see actually evidence of it must be extremely traumatizing. She may have thought seeing Buffy in action would help her understand, but maybe now she will see what a dangerous world it is that we live in and will leave the monsters to those who know how to deal with them.

Buffy told me she felt strangely disappointed that this incident seemed to bear no markings of supernatural intent. I told her to let the police do their jobs. Not everything in the world can be solved using weaponry or brute force.

I know that the events of the last week were upsetting for Buffy; they were for me as well. I went to Jenny's grave. I sat there in silence for a long while. I loved her and I still do. With the lives we lead I feel that I must move on, find my happiness where I can. I think Jenny would understand.   
*******************   
Buffy's Diary Jan 13, 99

Humans are seriously messed up. It's so much easier when dealing with vampires and demons. At least I know they're bad. Well the vamps anyway. Except Angel. Okay, back to my point. All signs point to this being some cult or something. Mom showed up at school. So not cool. She's organized some kind of gathering at City Hall. There are some days when I wish she was still in the dark about the whole Slaying thing.

Back from the vigil thingie. Giles was kinda nervous around her and me. Must be something left over from the candy incident. It's like he's afraid to let on that something happened between us. Right. Like mom would ever think that Giles kissed me. I think she's in denial that I would ever want to be involved with anyone again after…well, you know. Love sucks.   
*******************   
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles January 13, 1999

While my research had pointed to the possibility of involvement by witches, I was quite surprised to see that everyone is clinging to that notion. Willow's mother seems like a nice woman, if a bit more focused on things other than her daughter. There are times when I am surprised she and Xander have turned out as well as they have given their home lives this was one of them. On the other side of the parental spectrum is Joyce who seems a tad too involved in Buffy's life. It seems there is no happy medium. The fact that Joyce mentioned Buffy's calling out in the open like she did has me deeply worried. I shall renew my efforts into finding out what is going on.

Perhaps delving into research shall keep my mind off of other things. I got a letter in the post today. From Quentin. I cannot believe they actually expect me to go through with it. The entire thing is barbaric and antiquated. I do not know how I shall handle it when the package arrives. Will I have the strength to carry out my duties as a Watcher? Will I succumb to the will of the Council? I am at a loss as to what to do. Years of training says I must carry out my duties, yet my emotions, my feelings for Buffy tell me that I should not. I shall have to, as the saying goes, cross that bridge when I come to it.   
**********************   
Buffy's Diary Jan 14, 99

I can't believe that Willow got in trouble. I'm writing this in class, who knows what would happen if mom found my diary at home. The wig factor is off the charts right now. How would Snyder have reacted if Miss Calendar was still around? They symbol I saw was harmless, I even told Giles so. When I went to see him, they were taking his books away. I've never seen him so angry. It was scary. But hot. Help me.

And MOO? What was mom thinking? Need to do some research to help Willow now.   
**********************   
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles January 14, 1999

They confiscated my books. All the codices and indices. Most of them from my personal collection, acquired over years of traveling to obscure stores and cultivating the right relationships. A few belong to the Council. If anything should happen to them…..

And to think that Buffy's mother is behind it all, her and her organization with the dreadful acronym. I have no idea what could have gotten into that woman. I have no idea how she'll proceed from here. Thankfully I have a few books here at home and can keep looking into the symbol Buffy showed me.   
*********************   
Buffy's Diary Jan 16 '99

Okay, now that all the really wiggy stuff has past and things have calmed down around here (well as much as the Hellmouth can be called calm); I'm catching up on what happened. Mom's rally was a bit hit with all the parents. Can I just say that the mayor gave me kind of a creepy vibe?

Left to patrol, letting Giles go do more research. Had an awkward moment with Angel at the playground, but I also had a realization there. We knew nothing about those kids. Went back to the library, found out the deal. Fairy tales are real, who knew? Giles was kind of cute in Watcher lecture mode. (God I've got it bad. Help!!)

Went back to the house to confront mom and the next thing I know, I'm tied to a big pole! What gives? Willow was on one side of me, Amy and Faith on the other. The parents had all of Giles' books around us; they were going to burn us at the stake!! Cliché much?

Now I know that my life wasn't going to exactly be long, being the Slayer and all, but a fiery death wasn't exactly how I pictured going out. Add to this the fact that it was my MOM who was responsible for everything and let me tell you, I was seriously about to have a breakdown. Amy used her magic to rat herself and escape, wish she could have just made the ropes or stakes disappear.

So I'm struggling with the ropes (what did they use, industrial strength?) when Giles bursts in. His voice is sexy, even more so when it's speaking another language. (Okay, yes, I was about to die and I notice his voice, I told you I needed help.) So the kids appear and morph into this really ugly demon-thingie. Finally I pull the stake I'm tied to free and slay the thing.

Of course now all the parents are in full denial mode again, as usual. I've been trying to help Will de-rat Amy with no luck. Maybe Giles can help. After all of this, he seemed really glad I wasn't extra-crispy Buffy, he helped untie me then gave me a hug. Then he got all stiff and British, starting to stammer (which is cute). Something else is bothering him and he won't say what. I'm sure he'll tell me in his own sweet time.   
*************   
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles January 16, 1999

Another day, yet another concussion. One wonders how I am still functioning after all the hits to the head I've taken. Needless to say, we all survived the latest round of trouble, but not without harm.

That blasted machine they insisted on putting in my library finally came of some use, again. Jenny must be smirking, wherever she is. The children were not children, but rather a demon using the Hansel and Gretel tale in a twisted fashion. While I was lecturing about this to the children, I noticed Buffy seemed deeply interested. I had no time to wonder if it was in me or in the mythology. I would like to think it was the former.

We attempted to confront Joyce and her organization, to no avail. When I came to, with Cordelia hovering over me, Buffy was gone. It was back to the library for some supplies and onto the town hall, again. My German is still a bit rusty, not often is it used in spells and such. Demons seem to prefer Latin or something older. I must comment on how well Cordelia handled herself, quite astounding really.

Seeing Buffy ties to that stake, it was….unsettling to say the least. To see that she could not escape despite her Slayer strength, the emotions running through me were so jumbled, it is hard to pin down exactly what I was feeling. Fear mostly, as well as a deep desire to go help. But logic won out and I recited the spell, knowing that was my best option.

Buffy came through it of course, using the stake she was tied to as a weapon. This shows that she continues to grow as a Slayer. I wager she will be recorded as one of the best in history. The fallout was minimal, with the citizens of Sunnydale returning to their existence of feigning ignorance. My books, however, are another story. Oz and Xander are meeting me later to see how many survived.

I think Buffy may have noticed how awkward I have been acting. I declined to tell her why. She probably thinks it's just my reaction to everything that has happened these past few days. Every day when the post arrives, I put off collecting it for as long as possible. I dare not think how I will react when the package arrives. Will I have the strength to do my duty as a Watcher?


	10. Chapter 10

Buffy's Diary                                                                                                    Jan 23 98  
   
New Watcher in town. Faith and I were laughing and talking about last night's patrol on our way to the library to tell Giles about it. We walk in and there he is, suit and tie (not tweed, how surprising) and awkward as all get out. He smiled a mile wide when he saw both of us. Giles introduced him as Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. Nice name. Only Wesley I've ever heard of is in Star Trek (and I really should thank Xander for letting that bit of info sneak into my brain.)  
   
Giles assured us that he'd checked and double checked to make sure Wes was not evil. Faith was still a little unsure, but Wes' eagerness was a little infectious. He reminded me a little of how excited Giles was in the beginning. Kind of cute, but not really my type. I prefer my men in tweed, so it seems.  
   
Giles is still a little nervous around me, but tried to convince me it was all due to the big bad unknown out there. Not sure I believe him. For now, I'll just sit back and enjoy watching the new Watcher. Should be fun.  
   
***************************  
   
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             January 23, 1998  
   
It came today. I am unsure whether it was planned to coincide with Mr. Wyndam-Pryce's arrival or if it is just coincidence. It was an ordinary brown parcel. The postmark of London would not be unusual, I receive parcels from friends all the time. It was the return address that marked it as extraordinary. The seal of the Council rather prominent and unmistakable right there in the corner.  
   
I expect that in a few days I shall receive a call from the operatives that will have set up the place where Buffy will be expected to face a vampire, devoid of all her inherent Slayer powers. And I am the one who is expected to betray her. It has been this way for centuries. Do I dare be the one to break with tradition? Do I dare defy everything that I have been taught, all that my life has been leading to?  
   
I will do it. I will let Buffy know about this. Even if I did not love her, I would still let her know. She has always been the rebellious one in our partnership, defying the rules and still triumphing in the end. Whatever happens, I know this is correct path for me to take. No matter what punishment the Council may visit upon me, it will be worth it to know that Buffy still trusts me.  
   
******************************  
   
From Buffy's Diary                                                                                           Jan 24 98  
   
Giles called me into his office after school today. Showed me a box, explained what was in it and what he was supposed to do. I was speechless. Then he calmly explained that he didn't want to give me the drugs. That he was willing to risk his job, his life because he felt it wasn't right. Seeing the look of hope on his face gave me butterflies and I think I fell a little in love with him (or maybe more in love, yes, I'm hopeless, falling in love with my Watcher.) I think he was going to say something else, but Wes and Faith interrupted.  
   
Faith is going to be 18 in about four months. I don't want her to go through this….thing. Wesley stuttered and stumbled and babbled on about tradition and rules and regulations, but I asked him if he could really subject anyone, specifically Faith, to experiments without their permission. He wilted. I think the bond between him and Faith is starting to take hold.  
   
I said I'd take the drug, but train extra hard with Giles. We'll show those idiots at the Council who they're really dealing with. I get to tell Xand and Will what's going on too, so they can help with patrols and all that. Mom, well I'm not sure yet, but it might be better if she was out of town for a few days. Don't need her to get all worried or over protective or anything.  
   
***************************  
   
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             January 24, 1998  
   
Buffy was extraordinarily selfless today, volunteering to take the drugs even after I explained the effects to her. She hopes to prove the Council wrong, prove that the Cruciamentum isn't needed. I never felt more proud of her, or loved her more, than I did right then.  
   
The call came shortly after I came home. I was surprised to hear the voice of Quentin Travers, head of the Council. It is unusual that he would bother himself with such a routine thing as the Cruciamentum. But he claims I am to close to Buffy, a father's love. He couldn't be further from the truth of course. I lied my way through the meeting, giving a token protest to validity and need for the test in this day and age. Quentin seems adamant about administering the test.   
   
The vampire they have chosen for Buffy to face is a rather vicious, as he was when he was human. It seems he may have a complex about mother figures. I will suggest to Buffy that Joyce leave town until the test is over with. Now that I know her opponent I can go about training Buffy to better face him. I only hope that I can give her what she needs to succeed.  
   
***************************  
   
Buffy's Diary  
   
Apparently I rate a visit by the head Watcher. Go me. That only makes me want to work that much harder. I may be 'unconventional', but I'm good. Shouldn't the results matter more than the way I get those results? The Council needs a serious attitude adjustment. And I'm the girl to give it to them.  
   
***************************  
   
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles  
   
Buffy's training goes very well. Even without her strength and speed, she is above average for a normal human. Perhaps this is why or how the power chooses a girl? Another question to be answered by those more qualified than I. Wesley and Faith are instrumental in helping out. The bond between them is growing quickly. Faith seems to understand now why I could not be her Watcher as well as Buffy's. I know that Buffy never had the time to bond with Merrick, but I wonder if Faith had the bond with her former Watcher. Yet more questions for others to answer. I must return to Buffy's training. I am beginning to believe that out plan will succeed.  
   
*********************  
   
Buffy's Diary                                                                                                    Jan 26 98  
   
I survived. Barely. No one mentioned the vampire was nutso. Hell of a way to celebrate my eighteenth birthday. The place was creepy and dusty and just generally icky. Not somewhere I'd go even with my powers unless I knew for sure there was something living there. Bad thing was, vamp got loose, attacked the people that were supposed to be watching it. Including Travers, who was getting ready to be a midnight snack when I found the vamp.   
   
Anyway, long story short, I used holy water to kill it. There was chasing and taunting and quipping but it came down to a simple glass of water. Vamp took pills, and I changed regular for the holy stuff. He drank it and poof, no more Mr. Bad Guy. Travers was all over me, thanking me and stuff, after I saved him.  
   
He said I could have anything I wanted. Giles produced a list of demands we'd come up with at the beginning of all this. Travers hesitated, but I offered to tie him up again and leave him in the middle of Restfield cemetery. He caved. No more tests for Slayers and no more interference from the Council. Plus any help whenever we might need it, starting with any info they might have on who the current evil might be.   
   
Giles was there and took me back to the library to patch up all the bumps and bruises. Until my Slayer healing can kick back in, band-aids will have to do. There was a really long hug, longer than unusual, from Giles. He held me like….well I don't know, but it made me feel…loved. After he let go, he just looked at me. Giles doesn't feel that way about me, does he?  
   
Anyway, now we're back to the regular awkwardness between Giles and me, not just what was going on before he told me about the test. Fun. But at least I get a small party, with presents, so there's that.  
   
**************************  
   
From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles                                             January 26, 1998  
   
Buffy performed admirably. The holy water was an inspired choice and points again to her great capacity for improvisation. Even Quentin had to admit it was ingenious. He is lucky that Buffy arrived when she did, or he would be dead.  
   
When faced with the prospect of his own mortality, he gave in to our demands. Having Wesley and Faith, as well as the other children and Angel there to back up our claim helped a little. Quentin can't seen to get it through his mind that a vampire would be willing to help. But then no one at the Council seems to have fully understood the implications of having a soul have to Angel.   
   
Quentin has promised to get all available researchers on our current problem. He has also graciously agreed to send us more books and increased the budget we have to purchase training materials and weapons. Having two Slayers to protect the Hellmouth has its advantages.  
   
When we were alone at last, I indulged myself in hugging Buffy, perhaps for a little longer than necessary. I needed to prove to myself that she actually was all right, that she really had survived this ordeal. She didn't seem to mind, though I could have sworn that I felt her heart start beating faster. Why would that happen? Unless….no, she cannot feel anything for me, it's not possible. Is it?  
   
Now that I no longer have the specter of the Cruciamentum hanging over my head, the interaction between me and Buffy has returned to what we had before. This is still awkward and unsure to say the least. I must go now, I am on patrol with Willow and Oz. We are all contributing until the drugs are completely out of Buffy's system.   
   
Of course this has also seen the passing of Buffy's eighteenth birthday. In the eyes of the law she is an adult now. Yet, I hesitate to say or do anything. Perhaps patience is the best course of action. Yes, I shall wait.


End file.
